Let Your Garden Grow

Recently, a young boygirl (we'll call them Sissy) came to BabySkinGlove hoping we could help calm that universal insomniac hanging in the air like a Xtina Aguilera shaped cloud, the gr8 question of:

PUBIC HAIR

The child waxed poetic (get it?) about the startling contrast between the hairy pits and the hairless cracks of the hipster movement in the Greater New York Area. You can read more of her well appraised diatribe here and judge for yourself, or can just listen to me.

Dear Sissy, I think you are forgetting the number one rule of the universe and that is vagina. If someone doesn't like your hair then someone needs to spend sometime locked in the basement. BabySkinGloveBush ranges from purple hearts to leopard seals but one thing all of us puppies have in common is we do whatever we fucking want. Here are some examples of acceptable and unacceptable pubic piles (I'll let you choose which ones are good|bad) from psychic celebrity cooch sightings this year:

We have also come to find out that our dear Marina is a Brazilian frequent flier . . .

As the heated rage regarding her "abusive & exploitive" MOCA gala flares on, we ignored the

PROS & CONS

to skip the more important question, why the hell weren't we invited?! Lord knows we're a party in the pants and we always pack our manners DUH. I guess she WON'T be getting these sweet birthday cupcakes from us.

Anyways don't worry little one, whether it be dolly smooth or forest full, mounds and bunts come in all shapes and sizes. In/at the end [of the night] you just have to find someone with a fetish for yours. And if you can't find your match, give us a call for personalized pussy make-overs and Siggy style matchmaking tips! exes and ohes

Independent VD

We won't say what every Hallmark-sucking mistress is whispering to your ex's voicemail rite now, instead we have some much needed strength for the day! Whether you're happily married or "happily" married, here's some uppers to keep in mind for the moment, please find your appropri8 match:

1. Swingin Single

9 out of 15 boygirls have pulled the old "I'm w8ing 4 some1" at a fancy restaurant on Valentine's Day, cried into their bread after no one showed, and earned that free lobster. Just sayin.

2. Recently Separ8d

Out with the old and in with the new! Those two for one meals are now ALL YOURS and you can eat ALL OF IT in front of the cats JUDGMENT FREE!

3. Engaged

Eat as much candy as you want- heshe put a ring on it & you can bask in the glow of that sugar 4 lyfe.

4. Permanently Coupled

You never have to worry about catching VD again! Unless you're in an open permanently coupled in which case, sale on trojans today!

5. Divorced

You never have to buy their sorry, lonely ass another fucking Hallmark card ever again!!!

6. Religiously Abstin8

Sale on vibrators at Ricky's this month! Please pray for us!

~~~

Whatever you do, don't throw the baby's college fund at the pizza guy.

SPECIAL GRAMMY WEIRDNESS RECAP:

So while you were alone plus cats with that bottle of gin and barrel of poprox l8 last nite watching the Grammys, did you happen to catch

Gaga's attention-seeking brilliance

or

her new single, a club version of TLC's Waterfalls slash a tribute to Aretha Franklin?

No? That's cool because the real show stopper was that cheek-tugger

Cee-Lo coupling with the muppets

(and wtf Apple's Mama singing?)!

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, JUSTIN, PLEASE CALL THIS GIRL BACK YOU ASSHOLE!

baby blabber

when news of our first-bojrn Skinglove hit the interwebs last week, our dear friend Jamesie was the first to send a condragulatory video. you can peep his musical love letter to Skinglove here:

apparently someone forgot to let him in on Skinglove's gender identity, but if cruisin' for love in the Mazdarati with Jamesie is in baby's future then who are we to stand in the way? plus if she's a he, at least James can be there to give baby shaving lessons!