BabySkinGlove: February 2010

2.26.2010

Bathseba's Offspring

Happy birthday to our little exploding pocket and her little Natalie Portman!

sometimes...

you just gotta belt out these songs.

even if yr a pony.

2.25.2010

remove wet swimsuit to avoid yeast infection

Our Dearest Babies,

We know that the winter is a long and spiteful season; cabs are a must, no suede, booty shorts or stilettos in the snow, and where the fuck areyou going to put that goddamn chinchilla coat? Your loyal cat calls become scarce as nasty thoughts freeze in route from groin to tongue, and someone needs to let ya'll know that "you're beautiful, mami."

We know you're wet and tired and not in a good way, so let us shine a little warmth on you our Nor'easter enduring lovelies of Stuy and Shwick and give you the total surf report from the Big Island.

Ladies it's time to get that Brazillian, this is the Bikini Zone!

gud9

2.22.2010

Explicit Content Only

Some are more successful than others

Fool-Proof

Have a seat my darling dears, we're only here to help. Sometimes you have troubles. Sometimes BabySkinGlove goes by the name Abby and you can just go ahead and Dear us any time you like. Just in case your father didn't sit you down and give you the birds and bees talk, all fifteen of us are here to set you gay:

Dear BabySkinGlove,
I need your advice. What's a girl to do when she's been with her boyfriend for several days, and several nights, and of course they've had gratifying sex many times. Then he departs to his home for a few hours, and asks his girlfriend to come over. They haven't seen each other in 4 hours. She comes over, happy as ever, sits down to his computer to check her e-mail, and sees in his search engine that he's just been watching porn. Why would this be necessary, considering that the girlfriend coming over meant the couple would have sex soon anyway? Does this mean the girl's boyfriend is just outrageously horny, is dissatisfied with the sex he has with his girlfriend, or is he doing it so that the next time they have sex, he will last longer? Please tell me what to think, as I do not know if (in this hypothetical situation) the girl should be flattered, offended, or simply accept the boyfriend's behavior as typically male (or dog-like.)

I await anxiously for your response.

Sincerely,
Search Engine Saga
---

Dear Search Engine Saga, our blessed little bee,

Relationships are so tricky! The l8-nite calls, the sexts, the breaking into each others email accounts, the stolen credit cards, the shredded credit card bills, it's a lot to take on at such a young age. But one thing you must always remember when embarking on a serious relationship (first and foremost) is that pornography is like a blessing from the internet Gods. It's like the gift you wanted on your seventh Xmas but your parents kept saying "You'll shoot your eye out!" which just lead you to stealing it from the local gun shop anyways. Your boyfriend clearly loves you. He is clearly an upstanding citizen with a good-sized cock and he can grow a full beard. All men have an unnatural and inherent desire to once in awhile or twice in a while or like daily to see some raunchy-ass face-banging cum-swallowing hardcore girl on girl on girl on guy action. And no matter how much testosterone is in each little ballsac of his, one can never hold the enjoyment of porn against any other being, man woman child or animal. I recommend you yourself take a look at one of our sponsored sites www.youporn.com, a most wonderful and useful tool for maintaining independence and achieving enlightenment. And if you are still unsure of how to handle this little pickle, you can always try fisting...at least that's what FreakButt says. 98% of Americans and 100% of BSG surprisingly really like fisting.

All of our love and rainbows,
BabySkinGlove

2.21.2010

shit* *drugs (duh)

"Today I sold 10 stamps of LSD to a little kid at the grade school
who was not even nine years old."

Yesterday, BabySkinGlove received an anonymous package from the pacific islands in the mail. Inside was a copy of the most life-changing cautionary tale ever penned by an anonymous author, full of cautionary comments scribbled by the anonymous sender. This new, annotated edition of Go Ask Alice is sure to make its way around the BSG circle like VD, and will forever alter our view of parents, 'yeast orange rolls', and uppers.

(spoiler alert)

also, Justin Bieber is a MONSTER

2.19.2010

HAPPY FRIDAY, YA'LL!

as u wait ohsopatiently for a titillatingly in-depth, behind-the-scenes babyskinglove revue of last nites wildly successful performance, POPOL VUHLVA,

feast yr eyes on this!

2.18.2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VIVA!!!

TO CELEBRATE, BSG HAS SURFACED A FEW OF THE VIDEOS THAT VIVA WAS FEATURED IN IN THE MID-NINETIES

2.16.2010

as you wait patiently for BSG DIY: TOTALYFE...

peep this vid we just received in our emails .....

LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A REAL, LIVE PERVERT-FAN!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!$@%BEHNUQ%#T$@FEQ$%&(^&&@RQVSFB^@$WEGTU@RQEBQ!!!!!!!!

we are so excited we've started saving our dirrrty panties for his collection & and cutting our pubic hairs to sew that boy a sweater.

tho, lets B real (snap)

-- we totes prefer him nekkid!!!!!!!!

Broken Hearts

Up until the recent addition of a new member, BSG did not do math. It may come as no surprise then, that BabySkinGlove is also on the less proficient side of innertron use and disk drive malfunction trouble shooting. We may all be geniuses, but geniuses are often pretty low-functioning. For this reason the youtube release of BSG:DIY ep 3 sea 6 TOTALYFE has been postponed until tomorrow or the next day or the day after that. Don't worry children, once it's unleashed unto the masses there won't be any stopping it, and you'll look back on these days and want to return to the innocence of anticipation, and you'll have trouble imagining a time without the constant stream of pink pink pink coursing through your head like a new blood. But you will totally cum.

Until then friends, watch the Lion King and cry it out.

Short week short bus

Count the hours.

To hold you over,this was introduced to us by Freakbutt.

Good work Freakbutt.

Also,

2.15.2010

Recriutal Successes

And now, a note from our youngest fattie
J-Rose --,---{-@
in honor of our V-Day triple date at fashion week

our.triple.date.what.did.u.g uys.wear.and.my.hair.was.waeari
infg.flats.you.had.heels.in.your
car.though.tony.cohen.it.was.a.
fashion.show.we.couldnt.see.
their.shoes.i.got.dry.sha,mpod
is.there.a. we never.really
we.had.to. but.it.doesnt.reent.
go.backstage.matter.cuz.he.was
room.of. admit.we.are.the
argebtinian smart.ones
men.if.i.can.or.wait.
figure.out.i.think
that.bailry.
maybe.liked
him.a.
littlele.bit
when.does.the
bar.open.onpres.
day.is.it.a.jewish.
holiday?no.but.we.wont.
wait.for.themail.do.you.
have.my.red.bag.ok.great
ill.pick.it.up.after
and.put.the
pieces.back.
together.im
looking.for.
places.but.
im.not.in.
heavy.product
ion.she.is.fo
focused.meow.
vibrate.
exactly.
yeah.he.wasn
worried.about
what.kind.of
press.content
we.have.is
it.going.to
snow?that
is.gooing
to.fuck.up
my.world.
with.a.30
%.chance.
i.had.a.
mini.accident
4$LI.iceT
these.boys
ran.up.on
me.are.
you.a.boy
i.was.
wasted.
they.are
trusttwothy
chrystler
fire
engine
red.
he.
bought
it.
for.
me.
i.
love.
that.video.isthis.a.restaurant.i.did.a.round.there.was
this.bitch.i.think.she.was.russian.SO?SO?SO?this.is.why.i.
leaked.onto.this.very.tall.amsterdam.marine.give.it.to.me
baby.like.boom.boom.boom.omg.a.heart.its.a.post.it.note.
sorry.i.didnt.mean.to.throw.that.at.you.rude.boy.show.me.what
uouve.got.i.guess.i.could.make.something.im.a.whoreAcon.thats
awesome.icould.have.gotten.more.ill.try.to.make.something.liek
that.they.were.just.glued.on.they.were.amazing,looking.

Wake-Up Jamz!

2.12.2010

Brand New BabySkinGlove Mix Tape!

light a candle, take a swig, & j.o. with your dearest friends while you give a listen to
the official babyskinglove mix tape.

This one's for you, Alex!

Dear Facebook,

Listen, I think we need to talk...

I'm not going to say it's me because it's not, it's you. I don't even know you anymore. We're just not communicating like we used to. I think I've done all that I can at this point, there just doesn't seem to be any getting through to you. You say one thing and you mean another, it's like you don't even care about me any more, it's like you've completely given up on this relationship. Well fine. I'm beating you to the punch, we're done.

Okay look, there's someone else. I'm sorry. He's got everything I could ever want from a social-networking internet community. He understands me like you never did, like you never could. His name is Buzz. I love him. I know this is hard for you to hear but I gave you every opportunity I could for you to fix this. The letters, the late nights, the hours I've put into us. Buzz makes me feel special. He knows what I need. He knows how to make my waste of time productive which is more than I could ever say for you or your efforts!

I know this hurts. We've had some good times. You've done a lot for me and I'll never forget the love that we shared. But I still can't get over these last couple months, how you turned your back on me and Birthday Sex. How you left all of our fans in a black hole on Christmas day. What would my mother have said if she were alive to see that? I can't trust you, I can't take the chance on getting hurt like that again. You're no different than Friendster or MySpace, or any of those others who I've gone through before you.

I'll never be able to erase these last six years, only deactivate them. Goodbye Facebook.

Always,
Moan of Arc

2.11.2010

(moment of silence)

Isn't it funny that just one night ago amidst a sea of carpet scraps and skin-flaked glue all us fifteen fatties, our fifteen boy pets, and the fifteen cats snuggled down on the duchesse brisée to watch Leigh Bowery in all of his glory past and then yesterday morning as we rose around six with proper sun salutations on the melted snow stoop we learned of the gr8 loss the art world has faced with the death of the very fabulous Alexander McQueen. We hope he's looking up at us from that f8ful fiery inferno rolling his tongue around all of his teeth sipping champagne from a gold bottle, nibbling bonbon's from MJ's buttoned belly, and getting the hj of his dreams from Miss Monroe. Surrounded by candles and homemade capes, the BSG vigil was nothing less than holy and nothing short of devout. We also recorded him a short ditty and as soon as the producer gives us the okay, we'll be releasing a pretty sin slurping mix tape for you so get those Sony recorders ready. May he rest in peace and may we someday be blessed with the gr8 privilege of wearing a McQueen cape made of clouds and some lederhosen made of fire with him, MJ, and Miss Monroe.

it's a sad day for the gayz

all of us in babyskinglove would like to take a break from our regularly scheduled bottleofandre & 1 carrot-stick brunch to pay tribute to one of our fallen fans,

alexander mcqueen.

you, my dear, have been a gem of guidance, inspiration, and beauty. thank you.

please come mourn with us all day at villavulvadiva.

we will be holding a candlelight vigil starting now.

dress to impress. lee will surely be watching.

2.09.2010

Coutdown/Math: One Week=Five More Days!

That's right you squiggly little toe tuckers and knee knockers, in less than a week you'll have something besides youporn and google to drool over once you've nested down into that sand sack you call a mattress all liver lickered and plum parched... We know how desperately you want to scratch that itch, but good things happen to little girls who are patient. Here's a little below the belt/behind the scenes itching we dug up just for you. You can go ahead and pin either your mother or your girlfriend's head on top of these bodies, whatever floats your boat, we won't tell Cupid while we're whispering in his ear on Sunday nite.