(the orgasms are in blue)
this story bloodies my balls.
the girl in the pic looks kinda cute.
thank god for break-ups! for vultures like me.
The internet will be the death of privacy. If only we'd realized this in 1996.
DEATH BEAR: KILLING THE ARTS, ONE PERFORMANCE AT A TIME.
Really? I think it’s an improvement. Two performance art pieces fueled by drugs and an inflated sense of self-importance enter the same piece of shit apartment in Bushwick. Only one will emerge. This is Performance Art Deathmatch.
I think we’re a little creepy. Like if the twins from The Shining grew up to be connoisseurs of fleece vests and Vera Bradley totes.
And also! What kind of pal lets his blogger friend tag along and then writes about the whole thing himself anyway?
I would like to know how long ago they had broken up, and why this (clearly unstable) young woman STILL had a tied off used-condom!?
Right away I suspected it was not Death Bears jizz in the condom.
Then I turned quickly from that thought.
FYI: according to John Waters ‘Bear Cum’ is called ‘Grism.’
right?! and all this over a “relationship” that lasted a month?
“a skirt like a vampire” ?????
I wondered about that too! But then I read “my conscious is clear” and realized that Death Bear is illiterate.
I’m wearing vampire socks right now.
How did you get that Death Bear was “unable to take her pain away”?
Right? I mean, he did eventually leave.
And he took the stabby pictures.
Those are all her married names, dude. Yours is still Death Bear.
He was terrified, ok, but did he take a crap the size of a basketball?
Live by performance art, die by performance art. Appropriate.
Is it just me, or is the Lone Gummybear of the Apocalypse kind of a pussy?
Yes.
I’m confused. Is that a milkman, or Gay Captain Steubing?
I’m just sad that this post isn’t tagged with “META-ENABLING”, because really, if this isn’t, what is?
I used to do this sort of thing with G.I. Joe and Almost All Grown Up Barbie in the basement. Behind the water heater. I did make something like a bear (or maybe it was a vampire) noise. But I don’t think many people wanted to read what I colored about it.
Is “vampire seance” an oxymoron?
That’s an awful lot of blood for a shaving cut…
Performance Art Gang Wars. I feel bad for the parents of all involved.
I cry foul. A blogger tag-along completely undermines what I considered to be genuine about this piece.
“Tar-Baby was a doll made of tar and turpentine, used to entrap Br’er Rabbit in the second of the Uncle Remus stories. The more that Br’er Rabbit fought the Tar-Baby, the more entangled he became. In contemporary usage, “tar baby” refers to any “sticky situation” that is only aggravated by additional contact. The only way to solve such a situation is by separation. Usage with respect to a person is likely to be viewed as controversial as it may have other interpretations.”
Wikipedia entry on the subject item.
First Vampire Weekend runs into Blink 182 with their respective documentary crews and then performance wankist runs into rival performance wankists whil wanking performatively? Wow, is this entire decade going to be Man Bites Dog?
only if there is a camera crew in tow…
***You ever read something on the internet, real innocuous-like and then realize “Oh holy God, I know that asshole”? Because that just happened to me. I will take any questions about Bailey and answer them to the best of my ability, although to be honest I just have a bunch of stories from when she was infatuated with one of my friends.
*What was it like when she was infatuated with one of your friends?
*An excellent question by the human with the excellent avatar. It was, like I guess most outsider interpretations of terrible relationships, a combination of all things funny, sad, awkward and inconveniencing.
*She was way more into him than he was to her, and while I don’t want to act like I have better insight into people than everyone else, the weird thing was I was the only one who seemed to notice he wasn’t very serious about anything. But he’s one of my best friends, so I also didn’t care if he was stringing her along. Plus I think he got paid back in full by the universe eventually.
*Is she as awesome as she sounds? Who’s your friend?
*Eh, I didn’t ever and do not now consider her awesome at all, but then again she never showed this kind of energy when I knew her and every Facebook invite I get from her performance group sounds like not my scene. I don’t want to name anyone right now, but perhaps I will if Alex and Choire accept my pitch, “I Have Stories Of About An Internet Person of Note Who No One But A Small Group Of People Have Read About. On The Internet.” I think the title needs a little work. That or you can find me in Bushwick and ply me with whiskey.
*I’ll give you whiskey, name me some names. At least she’s hot. And clearly insane.
*puuuuuuuuuuuuuulp @ gmail.com Yes, that is real. Hit me up and I will absolutely blow off every safety lesson about meeting strangers from the internet. Shit, it’s worked out before.
*O hi, Davey, I know where you live. Poor David, let’s leave his heart out of this. Watch your back.
Nah, I think your first instinct was right. This guy is horrifying.
Moan clearly knows what she's doing. her talents are far superior to Death Bear's.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
I once saw this dude getting a BJ in the bathroom at the Bell House. He wasnt the bear at that time, he was dressed like a milk man. It was both gross and funny. I would normally feel bad saying something like this on the internet but since he didn’t bother to hide himself really AT ALL, I think its fair game. Anyways, point is, clearly this Death Bear/Milkman has a way with the ladies. The men of Brooklyn can take from that what they will.Oh. So performance artists end their relationships in fucked-up and passive-aggressive ways, just like the rest of us.
So upset I didn't get you off.
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